I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
