Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
