My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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