This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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