how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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