Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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