i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's just like the Real World with babies
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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