She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
