actually, I'm a sock model
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
