found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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