i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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