I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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