Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
