kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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