i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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