Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
