paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I AM VODKA MAN
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
