There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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