i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
