so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
