Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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