if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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