after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
