I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
