Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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