I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
