I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
