Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
