That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said her name was "party"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
