I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Banned from zoo.
Again?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
