butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
