I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
