I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
