You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im part way to drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
