Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
