remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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