Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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