I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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