Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
