I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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