I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
