I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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