I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
