Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
