my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
