Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
