Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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