I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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