how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
