Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
