a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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