i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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