then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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