So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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