I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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