a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
