You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bet he comes in French.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
