He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
