you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
