Your mouth is God's brothel.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize