So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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