My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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