You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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