She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize