All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
