Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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