Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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