I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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