I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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