You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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