So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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