if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
