I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize