so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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