I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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